Fifty States of America REDONE
by DaydreamingPen
Summary: America has 50 states, but what if they were his fifty kids? *Note: OWNED BY NISAKEEHL, I JUST AM EDITING* T for language!
1. Chapter 1

**I DON'T OWN THIS**

**THIS IS OWNED BY NISA**

**NISA DOESN'T OWN HETALIA**

It was a regular day, not unlike any other. Until, I noticed an odd thing, a girl I didn't know was following me! I acted like she wasn't there, because I'm a hero, and heroes don't point stuff like that out. After a while, it got on my nerves. I stopped at McDonalds, and I noticed her again! I quickly finished up the delicious burger I was eating. I looked behind me, to check, and saw her brown hair. Damn. Who was she?

I got in my car, and started to drive. I was on the road to my place, but at the last second I swerve, to head to Iggy's house. He'll help me.

"Hey Old Man, you home yet?" I called out into the house. I heard swearing from upstairs, followed by a grumpy march. I waited downstairs, because honestly, he's gonna take _forever_, he's old like that. Eventually, I saw the bushy eyebrows, and I had to laugh.

"What do you want, git?" He asked angrily, glaring. I just ignored him, continuing my heroic attitude.

"About that. I need your help with something." I said, taking a sip of my Pepsi. He just rolled his emerald eyes and gestured to me to come to his office. I really did appreciate the fact that it was located in the center of his mansion. The girl wouldn't hear us.

"What's wrong? And why are you coming to me?" He said, sighing, sitting down in the cushiony chair. I sat down in a less cushioned chair, and glanced about nervously.

"I'm positive I'm being stalked." I whispered.

"Since when?" He demanded after a moment, looking at me with a hardcore expression. It very nearly made me laugh, but this was serious.

"After lunch. I keep seeing this little girl, she has brown hair, and she continues to follow me!" I said, shuddering. I looked at him, anxious.

"Maybe she's a ghost!" He teased, smirking. I glared at him, feeling hot tears forming at my eyes,

"That's not funny. What if she _is_ a ghost and I'm being haunted?" I sobbed, grabbing my chair like during cinema's horror movie presentations. I looked about fearfully.

Arthur snorted. "Idiot. Ghosts are pretend. Fake. Not real. This girl must have a crush on you, or thinks that you're a friend." He grinned at my discomfort.

I breathed a bit slower. Thank God.

"How can I just… Ditch her?" I asked.

"Ask her." Arthur innocently cooed, pointing a bit behind me. I whipped around, and saw my child stalker behind me, in the doorway. I heard an Iggy snicker.

"Er, hi." I muttered, looking her up and down.

Her brown hair was lank and limp, and her brown eyes anything but dull, she stared at me, narrowing her intense brown eyes. Her hands moved to her hips, in a sassy gesture.

"Argh! Idiot! I've been tracking your sorry ass like a GPS!" She shouted. My mouth hung open a bit as I searched my brain for her.

"Excuse me, but who are you again?" I asked.

This merited a glare, and a slight squeak of anger.

"MISS-OU-RI!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, stamping her foot on the ground.

"Hm. Ohhhhh! Right!" I smiled at her, getting up. Missouri gave me a _bitch-I-will-bite-off-your-hand-death-glare_ as I ruffled her lanky hair. "What's up, kid?" I teased.

"Dammit! Why do you all forget! St. Louis Arch! Gateway to the freaking west! And you all ignore me! Even Illinois is still well known!" She ranted, pounding her fist against Iggy's desk. England just looked at her with amusement.

"You are a bit small…" I admitted. Not right.

Missouri's face became a tomato, and she screamed in my face, "DIE YOU ASS-HAT! DIE I SAY! DIE!" Her fists came in contact with my chest, as I laughed.

Any stranger would be scarred for life.


	2. Chapter 2-New Jersey!

I smacked my lip glossed up lips, tapping my long, Italian nails on the table at the same time. My spray tanned hand rested on my Juicy Couture purse, it's unnatural color beautiful. Where was I? Some of you dumb bitches don't know who I am. Well, bitches, my name is Bianca. It's sexy, I know, right? But my family uses my 'proper name' (Like those exist, boo), New Jersey. I liked the sexy name better.

Oh right, where am I to those dumb bitches? My wonderful ass was in jail. Yep, prison, jail, the pokey, big house. You know, where the popo is. And those shankers. Damn. Gets me all surprised and shit. Wanna know how I got here?

Hold your goddamn horses, I'm gettin' to that.

I was drivin along in my beautiful cherry red Lamborghini, also known as my baby, to hang with the bitches. Or rather, besties. Anyways, I was all pumped 'cause we were goin' to Jersey's hottest dance club! I pulled up to mah besty, Mia's house, and she was waitin with her bf Stefi. I honked my horn, cause they were… _Busy_.

She rushed out, pullin up her hot as hell cocktail dress, and I'm all, "Mia, darling!" And so we hugged.

"Bianca!" She squealed back to me. "Ready to get goin?"

"Hell yeah! Let's go, mah bitches!" Stefi crowded up behind her. I gave him a _if-you-call-me-a-bitch-I-will-kill-you_ smile, and we all got into mah baby.

"Bibi, we have to stop somewhere." Mia instructed, smacking her lips with a new lip-gloss layer.

"Kay-Kay Mimi. Omg, is that new tan?" Mia nodded. "It looks wonderful on you!" I joyfully squealed.

We drove about for a while, since baby needs a good run every once in a while. Mia programmed my GPS to lead us to some yucky old rapist, back-alley 'establishment' that lacked a sign in front. Fear pricked at my fingertips. "Uh, Mia? What're we doin' here?"

"Buyin' fake IDs. Come on." Mia flashed me a _bitch-trust-me_ smile, and I nervously abandoned mah baby.

We hurried up, and got into the smelly, dim shop. "Trust me, he comes highly recommended." Mia told me.

No way! That's a lie. The man behind the clerk had a bigger muffin top than Santa Claus, maybe two strands of greasy, black hair, and stubble. He looked like my godfather after a heavy night of drinkin', except my godfather has auburn hair, and a full head of it too!

He beckoned us closer, with a grin. Five teeth. Jesus, no. Nope, nope, nope, nope! "Mia?" His voice sounded like nails on a blackboard. We came up, and he took our photos in the back. Mia flashed him an award-winnin' smile, and Stefi gave him a pout. I just relaxed my face, as if I was givin' a mugshot. Might as well.

He was quick to finish. Little too quick. As we exited, I hinted, "The Mafia could've done betta. I know a guy or two. Mia rolled her eyes, and we all got back into mah baby.

We drove on, until we got to the club, Fiasco. Flame colored lighting illuminated the exterior. We walked up to the bouncer. I pulled out my best flirtatiousness, until he said, "Ma'am, I need an ID, not a pole dancer." I sighed, and removed my ID.

He examined it. "Is this ID fake?" He demanded.

I looked at Mia. She stiffened, and waved her hands at me. "Er, yes!" I tittered nervously.

The bouncer gestured to security, and pointed at me. One of the burly guards grabbed my arm! "Hey! Lemme go, bastard!" I shrieked. He started to drag me towards a police car. I shrieked even louder, "Lemme go! I need my baby! How dare you! _Accidenti a te! Merda! Merda! _Dammit, I'll tell my Daddy! My godfather is in the mafia! _Fanculo, ti ammazzo io!_"

He shoved me in the car. "Hope your daddy can pay up."

**PAGE BREAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK**

And so, I'm sittin' in this goddamn chair, which really hurts my hot as hell ass. My daddy is gonna tell those damn popo! He's gon be all, "Yo, no more puttin' my lil girl in jail!"

But no. He grabs me by the wrist, and drags me back to the car. I'm seriously ready to say, "ADIOS BITCH-ACHOS!" But no. I'm in trouble, so I ain't doin' nothin' to mess up my chances of gettin' a get out of jail free card.

He opens the door to mah baby, but not the drivers. The passengers. I groan. I know where _this_ is goin'. "Stahp bein' a whore, Jersey." That's my usual lecture.

I climb in, and pet the leather seats. Perfection. As soon as we've started to drive, Daddy groans. "New Jersey, this is the sixth time this _month_ I've had to bail you out. This is terrible for your image! And if you don't care about that, it's terrible for your image, it's terrible for our economy to be taking money to get your ass at of prison!"

"But Dadd_y_! Mia _made _me!" I whined, tugging on the arm that was face-palming.

"_Don't call me that_." He growled. I pouted, making my lower lip quiver, like it did before I cried.

"So… What're you goin' to do?" I asked, trying to be challenging, but my puppy dog eyes betrayed that. No way he would be able to resist these smoldering bars of gold. He sent me a _bitch-plz_ look, and I stopped. "Daddy, it's not my fault that Mia doesn't know where to get fake IDs!" I protested. He removed the keys.

"No car. For a month." He said quickly.

I heard, "Bitch, watch me murder you and feed you to Satan!"

No one, and I repeat no one takes away my baby.

"B-Bianca?" He stammered nervous.

A smile spread across my face.

"_Nessuna possibilità._"

Quick question… Where do you hide a body?


	3. Chapter 3-Florida :-P

Living in the Everglades is the most peaceful thing on this planet. Of course, that's my opinion. I guess that's what to expect when you're Florida. I'm Joshua Jones, but I like the name J.J better. Far more relaxed. I look a bit like America, with his hair, but I have gentle golden eyes like a honeysuckle. I have the kind complexion of a tanned surfer. It's a good body to have, even if there are no women to tame. Of course, no woman needs to be tamed, if she is feisty, let it be so. Right of the bat, I'm going to say that there's nothing more calming than floating along with Toothy, my American Alligator, and watching a Blue Heron. Did I mention I'm a nature buff?

Not to say that Florida's boring! Certainly not! I've got glorious cities, beautiful beaches, and don't even get me started on Disney World! It's a nice life being relaxed though. Sitting back, eating a cutie? Perfection in itself!

It was a nice day out, slightly humid, and the humidity had been making me drowsy. I hadn't had my morning cup of joe, since I was trying to quit caffeine, cold turkey. I curled up in my favorite arm chair, and fell asleep, underneath a blanket Alfred had gotten for me during a bad storm, to quiet a baby me down.

I blinked open my eyes to a blurry girl. "Ah! He's awake! Finally!" She squealed. I moved back into my chair, hoping it was a dream.

"_Hello_, Sunshine, the Sun says _hello_!" California proudly announced, striking an odd pose. I shifted a bit and yawned. Must be all that damn anime she watches.

"Wow, you must be tired. I've never seen you pass out like this! Anyways, happy birthday!" Michigan smiled, rubbing my head.

Damn them, waking me up like that! I was having a great dream! I looked over at the clock. 12:45. Hm. Not bad. Wait. Birthday?

I sleepily checked my phone's calendar. Sure enough, it was March 3rd. My birthday. Texas marched into my home, carrying what looked like trash cans. "Haley, what are those?" I asked, stretching to unwind my tight muscles from the long nap.

"Oh, _nothing_, Sunshine!" She batted her eyelashes in a mocking way.

I rolled my eyes, groaning slightly. "Tell me, Haley. I'm not in the mood to dance around less than sensitive subjects. I just woke up."

"They're some fireworks from back home. I thought since it's your 16th, you might want to throw a bigger party than you normally do!"

My parties are normally small family gatherings, and then taking some of my closer family members to Disney World with me. Not many bothered to show up to any of my previous birthdays, or even call to wish me a happy birthday. Most just skirted the topic all together. It was amazing to me that anyone would think of my birthday, and throw such a big party! With _fireworks_!

I could feel my heart thump one thump faster. I was very nearly going to thank Haley, when…

"THE HERO HAS ARRIVED!"

I sighed. "J.J! Happy birthday! How's it going? Got anything to report about? Haha, you know I'm just kidding!" His voice rambled on and on.

"I've been fine, chill!" I teasingly scolded.

"Wonderful! Where's the food? I'm starving! Is there cake?" Alfred fist bumped with me.

I was about to say that I had no idea that it was even my birthday, but then I caught Minnesota, carrying a cake. Alfred looked enticed.

"Looks like Mini's beat ya to it!" I laughed slightly, and moved to my favorite blue chair in the left corner of the room, where the heater was, making it cozier. I watched as my family marched into my tiny home. "How'd you handle the mud? And Toothy?" I asked, sleepy.

Ohio just patted my head. "Don't worry about it, and have a good time, Joshua. This looks like it'll be a nice party."

"I didn't know about this." I muttered, exhausted.

Ohio just chuckled, and patted my head. "You can thank your twin." He joked. "Speak of the devil…" He murmured. I opened up my eyes to their full roundness, and watched a sly Tex snake her way towards my

"J.J! Come here! It's your special surprise!" Tex called, yanking me from my chair, and into the sunset lit backyard. I looked out past my fencing (to keep Toothy away from unsuspecting mail men) and into the swampy marsh behind it. Flinging about fire, Cali stood knee-deep in mud. No. No, that wasn't her! She wouldn't dare risk her fakeness out in the swap.

Especially for me.

"There's something in it for her." Texas beamed.

Cali screamed bloody murder as red and blue fireworks exploded on the ground, hardly a few feet away from her, while _at least_ fifteen orange and whites shot up in the sky with a boom as the colors drizzled down like melting candle wax. Cali kept screaming, but it was drowned out as the second round of fireworks exploded in the sky, spelling out,

Happy Birthday FL

At once, my honeysuckle eyes were teary, and I could see Tex staring at me. "Didn't you like it?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Yes. I did. This is the best birthday ever." I whispered, but Tex had already rolled her eyes, and returned to receiving praise from everyone for her kindness and smarts.

After that, the fireworks ended ("I ran out of fireworks!" Texas shouted in protest) and we all headed back inside for cake and drinks. Since I was only sixteen, we naturally had to go with Coke, but New York snuck me a Bud Light. I didn't want to admit it, but it tasted gross.

Cali was outside still, as the mosquitoes buzzed, wrestling with Toothy out in the muddy swamp. She screamed, but we were laughing so hard, no one could hear her.

Almost everyone brought up _some_ embarrassing piece of my history, whether it be when I ran out in the middle of a tropical cyclone, or when I stuck my face in Toothy's mouth as a seven year old. I turned bright red, but I felt… Normal.

In a family of 50, a family so weird, this piece of normality was salvaged.

Most of my birthdays were hot messes.

Normal people had quiet birthdays, with maybe six friends, a small cake inscribed with _Happy Birthday Junior_, and some balloons, as well as presents.

I had a loud birthday, with 49 states and America, a huge ass cake lacking any message, fireworks, and my family hardly bothered to get me a single gift.

Still.

Pretty nice birthday.


End file.
